Honesty Is The Best Policy But Insanity Is A Better Defense
And because I find this friggen hysterical and I have to share
http://www.rockpapersaddam.com/thepainting/
http://www.rockpapersaddam.com/one.html
Those walkie talkie cell phones are a very good invention. But they can also irritate the crap out of me.
Today I witnessed the worst possible abuse of a walkie talkie cell phone.
Bathroom use.
We have a huge conference going on here at the club. The lady who is obviously in charge (judging by the way she has been running around demanding things be done) went in the bathroom the same time I did this morning.
She was on a 3 way on her little walkie talkie phone. Not only did she take it into the bathroom with her; she continued to order her minions around with while she was, um… doing her business. Loudly. Yes, she was a loud pee’er. EW. I know that they had to hear what was going on, just by the sound of their voices when they were talking to her. So, did I time my flush to when she was talking?
Oooooh yeah.
Warning: if you are easily offended by use of the f bomb please find another blog to read right now…
I warned you
Fuck. FUCK. FUCKITY FUCK FUCKERSON Fuck my boss, fuck her and the fucking shit bag she rode in on. Fuck her to hell and back. I don’t give a shit if you are my boss you cunt ho bag, you have no fucking right to talk to me that way. You may be a cold bitch who doesn’t give a fuck about your family or your children (and I have seen the “family” pictures - it is obvious that you and your daughter have no love for eachother)
But I DO CARE about my family. And I do want to see them. This is my family. I want my children to see their grandfather. I want them to know who he is. Fuck you cold hearted bithch, who CAN afford to fly back fucking east when ever the fuck she want, and only manages to see her fucking grand kids 3 days a year.
So, fucking twat waffle that you are, I don’t fucking give a shit about you. Let this be a notice to you. I am no longer going out of my way for you. I will not fucking do shit for you.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you
Co-worker A just came over and threw out her plant.
Nothing wrong with it; its health and green as can be; she just tossed it in the garbage.
Co-worker B asked why she was tossing away a perfectly good plant.
Coworker A says, “cause the guy who waters the plants is gone on vacation for 6 weeks. It will be dead by the time that he gets back”.
Co-worker B says “oh yeah, huh” and leaves it at that.
Co-worker A sits RIGHT NEXT to the water dispenser!!!! She can’t water her own damn plant?
The scene: My living room. Mark and Tristyn are sitting on the couch watching The Simpson’s. Sideshow Bob is in prison. In the back ground are 2 trailers labeled “Conjugal Visit Trailer”. The trailers are rocking
Tristyn: HA! They are making love!
Mark: (shocked, jaw dropping): WHAT?!?!
Tristyn: Dad, they are making love. That’s why the trailer is rocking.
Mark: They could be remodeling you know!
Tristyn: Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Like we dodged that bullet.
I tend to save things for my children. Each one of the kids has a big plastic bin of their own. I save newspaper articles and magazines of major things that happen in the world during their lives. I save outfits that have special meanings. I save things that they make or do, which have special meaning to me. I have even saved my first gray hair that I found. (See what you kids and your daddy did to me? Gave me gray!)
I have saved the melted chunk of plastic that use to be a child’s play pan for when Tristyn decided to “make me a cake”. He put it on the stove, and turned it on. Stove + plastic dish = big mess, lots of melted plastic, and the fire department. Just incase you were wondering.
I have a little baggie of hair. When Tristyn decided to play barber and took off about 2/3s of Delaney’s long beautiful tresses. She looks cute in a very close bob. Now we know.
Why do I save them? For posterity? Maybe a little. Perhaps so that when they are adults, they can look back at all the fantastic things that have occurred in their life time. So they can see where the world was at when they were born, and trace the path to where the world is at. See how man got there. Yeah, that is a little reason why I save.
But mostly it is so I can tell them; when I am in my dotage, and have a sweet grandbaby on my knee – “Don’t you complain about my sweet grandkids. Look what you did when you were that age! Is it any wonder your poor mother had ended up a turnip?”
This morning I got this comment:
April 28th, 2008 at 11:01 pm, Shit Luck Husband (that’s Mark) Says:
Ahh…I see she posted the dog attack. But she didn’t tell you about the KARI ATTACK…Ask Kari how the passenger windshield on my truck is broken..could it be my head?? hmmmmmmmm
on this Post: http://www.crazyladyinvegas.com/?p=643#comment-2246
So I guess I need to come clean and tell you all about how I tried to put my husband thru the windshield.
Friday night, I went out to dinner and a movie with friends. We ate at Claim Jumper, and saw Baby Mama. Dinner – fabulous! Movie – Hysterical! It was a great night out. Then, I got home, and Mark wanted to go get something to eat.
Before we go any farther in the story. Yes. Mark was drunk. He spent the night hanging out and drinking with friends, and didn’t bother to eat the pizza that everyone else ate for dinner.
So Mark, Joey and I hop in the truck to go get something. I pull out of the drive way, ask what they want, and get the “I dunno” So I pull back in the drive way, say “if you don’t know, you can’t be that hungry”
“Nooooo! I’m really huuuungy. Pleeeeease take us to get something to eat” (Please imagine this said in a drunk husband whine voice)
FINE! LETS GO. We start to pull out of the drive way and he makes a smart ass comment about a woman driver. Joey, sitting in the back says “dude – she’ll hit you for that.” I had just put the car in drive – so I said “No, I won’t hit him, I’ll just do this” and I did a “break check” You know - where you tap the breaks really fast.
Not as funny as I thought it would be.
1 - Mark hadn’t put his seat belt on yet - we literally had just backed out of the drive way, and went about 5 feet forward.
2 – He was leaning forward and starting to turn around to make a comment back to Joey, so his hard head was pointed RIGHT at the windshield
3 – He has been drinking, so he is lacking grace. Not to mention, stability!
Well. He sort of hit hard enough to totally crack the windshield. About 8 inches wide, and top to bottom of spider webbing. It’s really bad, and not funny at all, but at the same time - I couldn’t help laughing my ass off.
After I made sure he wasn’t bleeding, of course.
1)What is in the back seat of your car right now?
cables
2)When was the last time you threw up?
2007
3)What’s your favorite word or phrase?
ifyoudontstopfightinganddowhatyouaretoldrighthisminuteIamgoingtoloosemymind!
4)Who made you smile today?
Brenden
5)What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Driving
6)What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Blogging
7)Favorite board game?
scrabble
8)Have you ever been to a strip club?
yep
9)What is the last thing you said aloud?
hey
10)What is the best ice cream flavor?
banana
11)What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water
12)What are you wearing right now?
clothes
13)What was the last thing you ate?
banana
14)Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
nope
15)When was the last time you ran?
pfft!
16)What’s the last sporting event you watched?
golf
17)If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Ireland
18)Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
dunno
19)Ever go camping?
lots!
20)Do you have a tan?
no.
21)Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
Depends
22)Do you drink your soda from a straw?
Sometimes.
23)What did your last text message say?
Jacuzzi!
24)Are you someone’s best friend?
Yes
25)What are you doing tomorrow?
working
26)Where is your mom right now?
Arizona
27)Look to your left, what do you see?
cupboards
28)What color is your watch?
silver
29)What do you think of when you think of Australia?
kangaroo
30)Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yes.
31)Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
drive
32)Do you have any friends on myspace that you actually hate?
nope
33)Do you have a dog?
three
34)Last person you talked to on the phone?
Joey
35)Have you met anyone famous?
Today!
36)Any plans today?
Scouts
37)Are you happy?
Yes
38)Where are you right now?
work
39)Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
money
40)Last song listened to?
Pain
41)Last movie you saw?
Terrible
42)Are you allergic to anything?
cats
43)Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
loafers
44)Are you jealous of anyone?
nope
44)Are you married?
yes
45)Is anyone jealous of you?
nope
46)What time is it?
four
47)Do any of your friends have children?
lots
48)Do you eat healthy?
sometimes
49)What do you usually do during the day?
work
50)Do you hate anyone right now?
never
51)Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
Yes
52)How many kids do you want?
three
53)How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
36
55)How did you get one of your scars?
shaving
57) When was the last time u got ditched??
huh?
58) Did you like school??
yeah
59) Is it natural for someone to be sad all the time??
no
60) Do you smoke?
disgusting.
I had my doctor appointment yesterday. Can I just say? I *heart* Doctor Wenner! She is just fabulous. She listens. She cares. She takes the time to ask questions, and to answer them. She ordered x-rays of back, hips, and shoulders. She also ordered blood tests up the wazoo: THS, CBC, CMP, Lipid, Testosterone, FSH, LH, ANA, FR, and ESK.
TSH is for making sure your thyroid is working right
CBC - The number of red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets are present in the patients sample of blood is determined. most common test done on the blood.
CMP – not sure
FSH - An acidic glycoprotein secreted by the anterior pituitary gland. In women, follicle-stimulating hormone stimulates the development of ovarian follicles (eggs) and stimulates the release of oestrogens
LH - A small glycoprotein hormone secreted by the anterior pituitary. Lh plays an important role in controlling ovulation and in controlling secretion of hormones by the ovaries
ANA - Antinuclear antibody is an antibody that react against components of the cell nucleus such as DNA, RNA, histone or non-histone proteins.
FR – not sure
ESK – not sure
And she said that is for starters. I go back to see her on May 15th. We will go over all the results then, and see if we need more testing, or if we can start some sort of drug therapy. Woo hoo! Drug Therapy!
Also, she believes I may be starting … no don’t say it. I can’t face it… MENOPAUSE. Holy crap! I am 35. I am NOT menopausal. But apparently, my mom was completely done with the whole reproductive rigmarole by age 34. And Dr. W said that you can generally gauge your body by what your mother did.
Oh. Hell. No. I am not ready for that whole menopause shit. No. No. No. I have said that 3 kids is enough for us, and we don’t want any more. But I never really ruled out having more. Nothing has changed, really. But I want this to be my choice. Not something that is forced on me. The big M word sort of forces me from the prime of my life to being an old woman. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! I should have a good 20 years of dealing with periods ahead of me. I have friends who are older than me, that are just now starting families. How can it be that I am coming to the end of mine?
